Taking Charge of Anger

Anger is the most common problem we face; some of us even think that we are in right to show our anger. There are thousand of quotes, sayings, anger management techniques available on the internet, and many people around lectures us almost daily about how it is harmful for us, some of us even feel bad after showing our anger. This leads to the question that if anger is so bad and there are so many things telling us so then why do we do it?

When we discuss anger we often ignore a fact that sometimes it is necessary to show anger, otherwise people will take you for granted and take undue advantage.

So, what to do now? It is not a simple question,

Aristotle said: “Anybody can become angry – that’s easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way – that is not within everybody’s power and is not easy.”

Keeping in mind the above statement it becomes clear that getting angry and feeling angry are two different things, the person who feels angry often gets out of the control during the state, and the person who gets angry without feeling anger inside has a control over it.

So, we can not get rid of anger, but we can control our anger according to the situation, people, time and purpose. Often we think that our rage is reaction of some undesired situation, people, and actions but really it is not.

Let me discuss here something that happened to me which also inspired me to write about this topic. one day I was going somewhere on my bike wearing helmet, I usually drive carefully but on that day at a signal I hit a car bumper because I by mistake delayed pushing the breaks, it was my mistake to begin with, the hit was little abnormal and pushed the bumper inside, the driver look at the back mirror I saw his angry eyes and I waved my hand with a “Sorry”. What happened after was very interesting, he immediately came out of his car, came to me, I could see the anger on his face, but I recognized that he is one of my ex-students. He gave me an angry look and then looked at the bumper, while he was watching the bumper, I removed my helmet, and next moment when he looked back at me, his expressions totally changed he said: Ohh!! Sir, Is that you, amazing!! It’s been a long time sir, where have you been and the scene of anger changed to a totally opposite kind of a situation where he gave me respect, regardless what I did with his car, then again I said “Sorry” to him tell him to drive the car to garage I’ll pay for the repair, at first he completely refuses to accept the proposal, when I insisted he accepted my proposal with a condition that because we are meeting after a long time, he wants to have a cup of tea with me, I said ok.

When we were sitting at the café I realized the difference and discussed with him and asked him, what if I was an stranger to him, he said nothing, this kind of situations usually happens at the road, I replied, no dear this kind of a situation often happens at the road, but they never end like this and eventually he learned and realized that anger is not a reaction of an action, if it so, why did he not get angry on me.

To have a control on this kind of a situation we have to practice the unpracticed practice, like above.

Now, here I am giving you a solution to have a controlled anger, first of all give importance to all human being equal, treat them as a human and think that you could be in his place too, how would you like to be treated. This is not an easy task, you can do it by making a speed breaker in your mind, in between that particular event and the state of anger where you can think, if you are be able to think you can control and drive the anger, but the question arises here, how we can make a speed breaker.

The speed breaker I am talking about could be an event happened with; which has not happened, it could be a story which can make you realize how bad this could be. We are talking about to make a trigger in your mind, which reminds you to stop for a while or slow down your speed.

Here, for making a speed breaker I am again sharing a story, if you repeat this story in your mind daily you would be able to control your anger.

There was a kid aged around 12-13 years, who was a very short tempered, he used to misbehave with his parents, teacher, friend and servants, in short with every one and sometime his anger comes to the extent of torture. His parents remain very anxious about him, one day his father came with a solution.

Father brought a beautiful piece of wood in his house and called his son and said, hang this piece of wood on the wall, son did the so, then father gave him a lot of nails and a hammer and said: Son, anytime you feel angry you hammer one nail in this plank. He did so ever time he felt angry. Days go by and he kept doing so and soon the piece of wood full of nails then he asked he father what should I do now? His father answered now when ever you feel angry you take out one nail from it. He did so and after he took out all the nails, he asked his father what now? His father told him; see son can you see the difference? How beautiful this piece of wood was when I bought this home and now see it. Do you see? How what your anger did to this piece of wood. The same is happening to everyone you take out your anger on, and the same is happening to you too.

“When we hurt the heart of someone we love, we hurt our heart too, in taking care of our loved ones heart we take care of own heart too.”

Life and Escapism

In life in order to move on or escape after bad experience or certain difficulties that may occur in future, some people usually opt for escapism. This is written to understand that escapism do help moving on although temporarily and may cause regret and guilt afterwards.

Life has been defined by many authors differently, it has also been portrayed as a sequence of continuous problems till death and escapism refers to giving up or moving away from certain difficult situation and picking the easy way out. the question is does it really helps?


There are many ways to handle the problems or difficult condition, one of them is escapism. Escapism is the method which we learned in a very early life, by telling a lie or concealing the truth in a crucial situation and then further in a life we often use this method and this became a pattern of life and our behavior.

Consider, you are going towards your destination and on your way you come across a river, now there is no boat that can take you to the other side of the river, and you can not swim a river even if you are the best swimmer in the world. What would you do now? Changing your destination just because of this hurdle would be escaping.

My question is how many times would you compromise your destination? And what will you get? You would end up with the second best and believe me you will find a large crowd there because you are not the only person in this world who escapes from his problems.

Now days many of us look at our problems with a pessimistic approach. Our minds are programmed to see the glass half empty and the word “impossible” we carry it on the tip of our tongue. We have lost faith in the fact that there is no problem that cannot be solved. Every problem has solution, but again sometimes its look difficult. Majority of people who escape are those who do not want difficulties in their lives.

If you adopt my simple theory, you will never have to escape, and the theory is:

“Short term gain cause long term loss and short term loss cause long term gain”

Here, escapism is the short term gain and at the end you will find yourself in overall loss, because every time you get the easy way out you not only compromise your desired destination but you end up with mediocre achievements like million others around you. On the other hand facing the challenges and working hard may be a short term loss as you have to face difficult situation. as in the above mentioned scenario, you will start thinking as to how you can cross the river. And with positive attitude and perseverance you may even reach to the point where you are ready to build a boat with the wood of the trees around the bank. Yes people might call this a mad idea, you might even be left alone but with determination and hard work you can surely succeed. Do not worry about people because once you are done with your challenge they will come back.

Let me end this, with this statement

I hated every minute of my training, but I said, “Don’t quit”. Suffer now and live rest of the life as a champion “Muhammad Ali”